Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Case of the Ex

I broke up with my last boyfriend for one simple reason-He slept with his ex while we were dating. As crazy as it may sound, this happens to a lot of people. The forbidden Okafor's Law, always rearing its head making people feel that kpoxing their ex really doesn't matter as they already kpoxed before. I have no problem with people who do this-as long as you are not in a relationship at the time.

No one ever stops for one second in their selfish, lust filled haze to think about the other person. Hello!!! the guy/girl that your ex is currently dating. You know, that person he calls every night after he's fucked you to brazil and back, the same one he goes to the cinema with, travels with, the same one his family and friends know, yes-that same one he's blown you six degrees to the north off for. There is a reason this person is your ex. The stupidest things that we chics do is believe that great sex means that the guy is in love with us. He kpoxes you so good, you fail to notice that you broke up for a reason. Why oh why do the ex-es keep coming back like zombies?

 Don't you just hate it when you spend a night at your man's house and past midnight his phone rings. Its the ex, crying that she misses her dad (who by the way died when she was 3 months old) and how she's alone and does he have time to talk? He looks over at you as if to say 'I'm sorry but i have to take this'. You lie there thinking 'WTF does she want at 1:30am in the morning? If you don't drop that phone it would be your funeral she will be attending tomorrow'. But you don't want to be the mad, over possessive, jealous, control freak of a girlfriend, so you swallow your objections and smile. He takes his call and you fume inside.

This trend continues and one day he's comforting her personally on a bed or she's the one doing the comforting after a huge fight between you and him. He gets up and tells her it was a mistake and that he loves you. The damage has been done though. He goes home and calls you, tells you he misses you and has been home all day with a fever. You go to see him and stay the night. The ex calls again that night and by now you're suspecting something. He gets up to leave the room this time and gives you the 'i have to take this call look' again, only this time you grab the phone and the following ensures:

You: Hello, who's this?
She: Erm... is this bloopah's phone?
You: Yeah...and you are
She: Can i speak to him?
You: It depends....about what?
She: Are you for real? please give the phone to the owner
You: Right now, i am the owner. You had your chance and you fucked it up. Look for someone else to tell your tales of woe to because from now on, we aren't buying your shit.

 Or maybe a different Scenario.....
You: Don't you have a damn watch? I've had enough of your bullshit stories and pitiful excuses to call at 2am in the morning. If you're so lonely go and hug a transformer and end your miserable existence. He is with me now. Click!!!

Oh!! So many scenarios played out in my head whenever he answered her calls. Not once did i say "don't". Would it have made any difference? Should i have answered and told her to back off or should i have told him to back off? Of course i told him i was uncomfortable with the calls but did that stop him from sleeping with her? Not at all. We all have different ways of reacting to situations in our lives. I'm naturally not a very patient person but in relationships i try my best to be. Cheating on the other hand is something i can never ever condone. It just consumes the patient I've tried so desperately to hold on to. People say he's a guy, cheating is what they do. Booshit-yes-not bullshit. I bet none of those people actually know that women are more likely to cheat---some of us just choose not to. Or you think we  don't have that ex who was actually better in bed than you? Negro please.

As i write this, I'm reminded of Elizabeth Taylor. I loved that woman but the whole she and Richard Burton's crap sent me into a frenzy. Yes they loved each other so much they married and divorced twice. This woman kept a letter from Burton on her bedside table for 27years and she had the freaking letter put in her coffin. 27 years! A letter from your ex husband? Are you insane? It made me feel sorry for Sally Hay. Oh! you don't know her? She was Burton's last wife, the one he lived with until his death. But of course the press rushed to interview Elizabeth even though they had been apart for years. When Elizabeth expressed a wish to be buried alongside her ex-husband, Sally had to buy the burial plot next to him.

For fucksake, someone should have told Elizabeth: Get a grip on your fucking life, he's maried to someone else and has been for years. Move the fuck on. Gosh!!!! I should have said that to my own ex-boyfriends ex. What a bloody joke....and yet people can't understand why i deliberately choose to remain single. Ex girlfriends are like a really bad case of herpes-you know they are there and they never go away.

PS: A friend's mother has been diagnosed with stageIII breast cancer. She needs $60,000 for the operation to remove her left breast. I lost my dad to cancer so i know how this must hurt for this family. Please visit to read more and to donate any amount possible. Every little will help. Thank you.


Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

Ah!!!!!! my blood is boiling just reading this...whaaaaaat????? Ive always hated ex's , they always try to ruin things!!!its sooo annoying...u had me laughing too tho....and as for Elizabeth Taylor.....that is such a mean thing to do....ex's should move on or be shot!!!! arrrrgh!

Olalekt said...

I have been in this position before and men!!!! did it hurt when I discovered ? IMO an Ex should remain an Ex simple .... I get mad when tht happens....

chiedu ifeozo said...

Na wa o, i can't believe he did that to you. When it comes to ex's its best to keep minimum contact if any. I only speak to one ex, we've kept things cordial, and both moved on. Loved your post, was laughing for most of it, especially "The forbidden Okafor's law".

fari boudoir said...

good post! fuck exes mehn...something of that sort happened to me. Dont they have bloody watches? they assume that because they have been there before they have full access whenever they want.

Anonymous said...

To say I am excited about this post is an understatement. Ppul just hold on to hope of getting him back or purnishing the present boo, its really destructive. I am a chick and my ex use to call me all the time to confide in me and discuss stuff and when I ask him to discuss with his girlfriend he will complain she isn't that smart. Sometimes its not even the ex, its just a random close friend that they always claim was thr long before they started dating you. My solution, in a relationship Anything you can't take, don't do.

Madame French said...

I've never understood this issues about ex's. They're like some bad disease that just won't go away. I've had to slap my husband's ex once. And its so annoying cos she's married. You would think she'd have some dignity.

Jayla said...

I know this too well. Annoying thing is guys don't even see when they are being manipulated with these sob tales.

Yinkuslolo said...

I don't think that you should be mad at only the Exes. The man is to be blamed for the most part. He is the one that condoned such favor of picking up her phone calls at an ungodly hour.

If she called me and he didn't pick her call on her third trial, I'm sure she would have stopped and there will be no room for your doubt.

onyx12 said...

Pls what is " The Okafor's law"

Dante said...

Beautiful post.
First off... its not a guy thing to cheat... Anyone who cheats had the choice not to.
Personal, cheating is a no no. Under no circumstance will I condone it.

And I make it a point not to promote friendship with my exes. Once it is over, it is over... no time for sob stories.

So, the first mistake people make is to strike up a form friendship with an ex..really?

Anyways, to each his own. If my girl starts some form of friendship with an ex.. i will express my discomfort.. if you carry on... I am off.

Anonymous said...

I'm a supporter of Okafor's Law, but there's a principle abi na commandment accompanied by this law aka The 11th Commandment which states "Thou Shall not be caught" #Okbye

9jaFOODie said...

HUmmm... Story of so many peoples relationship, well maybe not the "spooning" part but the constant conversations. I don't know how people justify it as okay, if you do it long enough, you end up ruining your current relationship or tarnishing any form of trust.
o well.... God dey.
LWKMD @"If you don't drop that phone it would be your funeral she will be attending tomorrow'". HAHAHAHHA... TO BE THAT BOLD WILL BE AMAZINGLY AWESOME.

Myne Whitman said...

i think it's redundant to say you did the right thing. Okafor's law is just an excuse for bad behavior, in this case cheating.

LohiO said...

Ughh this is one of the things that grinds my gears!!! Why don't you just get back together if you are going to spend that much time talking anyway. ugh!!! okafor's law is stoooopid!

The Corner Shop said...

Geez!! These ex dramas are sent from hell. I don't think there was anything you could have done. If you had hollered and shouted he might have even gone to her faster, who knows. At least now you know he's not for you so you won't waste anymore time.

It is well oh


Sorry about your friend! :(

doll said...

the ex should not be in the picture even as a friend. that is my take

kashimana said...

A lovely read.extremely humourous.i love blogs.I think it all boils down to the design of sex.It would be great if we could switch on and off at will but alas we can't.It ain't a lightswitch. Its meant to be shared within a marriage context.aFteRALL its the most vulnerable we can ever get with anyone.when we engage in the wrong context,the backlash is a heart connection minus security , commitment and trust.Been there done that and bought the tshirt.But I AM THE WISER FOR IT NOW. I would say the exes aren't irrational there's just an illegal heart connection.They need that broken off them by each party can go on and share the best of themselves with the right one in marriage.That heart connection would be an awesome thing in a marriage.I got prayer and i am free from exes.I also know now to save myself for the right one when i marry.If a man i am dating wants a relationship that involves sex,i tell you to jog on.I cannot waste my energy.I've come too far for market wome will say 'it doesn't worth it'.