Thursday, March 1, 2012

A Rhetorical Conversation

When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. "It's all right" we whisper, "I'm here, I love you." and we lie: "I'll never leave you." For just a moment or two the darkness doesn't seem so bad.
Neil Gaiman:Midnight Days

Hey Dad, sorry we haven't spoken in a while. I've been so caught up trying to live my life and chase money, that I've forgotten to take the time to remember you. You  who gave up everything for me. Sad, I know. Sometimes i feel that I'd go to work and come back to see you sitting in the second parlor surrounded by visitors. Your police uniform shining with that smile of yours. A smile i apparently inherited. I'm really sorry Dad, but I'm here now so let's talk.

How are you doing? Do you have a special cook catering to your meals there? You always did like your pounded yam and ground rice. You only allowed mom cook for you, so i wonder how you're coping now. It must really be hard. The Police force is still the same. MD Abubakar is now IGP. You always did say he was a good police officer. Oh me? There's nothing to say about me. I'm still confused about what i want to do with my life. I've grown tired of law, even though i love it so much. I feel like its time i tried something different. No, I don't have a new boyfriend. Hahahahahaha, I know I'm getting old Dad but there seems to be no honest guys out there. I promise I'm not being picky either.

Mom? *sigh*. What can i say under the circumstances. Mom is doing well. I know she misses you everyday. I see the hint of sadness behind her eyes and thank God everyday for her strength. I feel sorry for her occasionally, because when we all get married and leave the house, she will be so fucking alone. Forgive my use of words Dad, but none of this is easy on any of us. I'm not crying, My eyes itch. An eye lash must have fallen in. I've never been able to lie to you anyway. Every other person is doing great. Charlie got engaged in December and Henrie in January. Baby A has gone to the United States to pursue her USMLEA while Henrie left to do a masters in Scotland. Of course, we're always there for each other, closer than ever and yes we still argue. We're doing great things and sometimes we sit and reminisce about you. Looking at your picture makes me cry. I can't help it, the tears just roll down. Sometimes they come with a smile when i remember something you said or did and at other times its a heart wrenching sob from the depth of my soul. Then i have to hide from others because they look at me like I'm strong.

 Am i sniffing again? Thanks for the tissue Dad. My tissue is the memory of you instilled forever in my heart and memory. My tissue being that i know you're safe and well. My tissue being that there's a piece of you in each of us. Nigeria is slowly going crazy but i bet even you can see all that. Boko Haram and all sorts of other threats to the security and stability of the country. Yes, but we still pray and pray for better leaders and a better tomorrow. Hahahaha...ok, I promise that the next time we have a conversation, I'll tell you about 'the wonderful man' in my life. You know I miss you right? We all do. You liked the song Timi Dakolo and Rilwan did for you? Cry for you? Wow! I'll be sure to tell them. No, i hardly ever listen to it. Somehow i think you know why father. The words are too painful and sorrowful. You have to go now to pray and intercede on our behalf? Does it really work that way? We pray for you all the time sha. Our very own angel. I promise I'll see you someday in the afterlife.......but not yet.

It seems kinda strange the promises human beings make to each other. Our parents assure us that they will be there to protect us and then something stupid like cancer takes one of them away. Our friends consistently sound it in our ears that they have our back, but then something lame like an argument or greed and envy destroys that friendship and where does that leave us? We go through each day hearing about the failures, problems, death, diseases, shame and hurt of others, but how many of us really slow down to think of the consequences or the fact that it could have been any one of us in those shoes? How many of us really take time to appreciate our parents and siblings or the goodness we find in the people around us? The food, the shelter, the good health, the job, the okada or the car or even the money to enter public transport? Just stop for a minute and think about it.


BBB said...

Beautiful, just beautiful
Food for thought
SUre he misses you guys too

Diva said...

A "Daddy" post is what drew me to your blog in the first place and we have come full circle now....

You write beautifully, that's not in question but you also write with soul and spunk.

Thank you from one Daddys girl to another. Chukwu gozie gi. BRAVO!!!

Nollywood REinvented said...

The circle of life is indeed amazing.

Love the post

Anonymous said...

sooo you made me cry and laugh at the same time. fantastic piece girl.

Thank you

Hazel said...

You write so beautifully. Papa is mighty proud of you from heaven, i'm sure. And yes, we should really be thankful for the "little" we've got. Some folks dont have that priviledge!

Toinlicious said...

Such sincerity and love. Smiling and tearing up. Awesome post.

1st time here and def following

Ken said...

This brought tears to my eyes.

Recently, I started a thing of calling my dad everyday just after I get to work. He lost two brothers last year and I could imagine the pain he was going through.

Whenever I'm ending these calls I feel a sudden rush of tears to my eyes and it hits me that we are now all grown up and I miss being his baby girl.

Love while you can. Love!

RIO said...

I'm going to call my dad NOW. "Sniff"

Justthatgirl said...

Nice piece girl, lost my dad some yrs ago too, though wasn't this close to him but I feel his absence when some stuffs happen.....I miss him really.

Anonymous said...

HBD girl (in arrears). Enjoy ur hols - BJ